Christmas Cracker

I wonder why we associate robins with Christmas, I was doing some weeding just the other day and a little robin joined in, he was so close I could have picked him up, then he was pecking off my shoe. he was really cheeky.

Anyway here's a christmas cracker cup no.245298, bright and cheerful.

Poem

Instead of a picture I thiught i'd give you a poem. I wrote this a few years ago when I was trying to learn about this new fangled contraption called a computer.
There's a monster that's come to stay at our house, It can't be all bad as it's brought it's pet mouse,
also a disk with words that i've never heard of,that I'm sure would frighten the worlds greatest nerds off.
It sits on my desk looking at me, with it's one black eye that lights occasionally.
I've made friends with it's mouse, which I stroke with my hand, but it speaks in a language I don't understand.
I never know what it's going to demand next,as it just sounds to me a near gibberish text.
It tells me to 'download' whatever that may mean, don't want to look stupid so I just stare at it's screen.
I'm told it's a genius at communication, but it says I've performed an illegal operation.
Windows you can't see through,bytes without teeth,rams that are'nt goats, it's beyond my belief.
Giga bytes, mega bytes,the net for a chat,I've heard of a 'floppy' ooops, I don't think it's that.
I've heard that this monster will do every task, I've tried all the buttons, it won't do as I ask.
What am I to do, it's not good for my health, my blood pressure's up, I can't think for myself.
It's driving me crazy. I know i'm no mug,I'll just shut it down and pull out it's plug.
Sheila. M.
I still feel the same about it.

Senior moment

One of my senior moments,I forgot to give the number of the last card, Missing you at Christmas c.u.p.no.243128_688.
Now here's another joke.
An elderly couple were watching t.v. and the husband as usual had the remote, and kept switching between a fishing programme, and a porn channel. After a while the wife was fed up and said" For goodness sake leave it on the porn channel, you know how to fish."

Christmas arrangements

That was a really nice curry my husband made last night, I don't want anything to eat today. It was a family get together for some of the family, it's got too big now to get them all round the table.Maybe I should hire a hall, for Christmas, No on second thoughts I think I'll go away for Christmas.

Joke

One morning while lying in bed a man rolled over to his wife and pinched her bottom and each of her breasts and said" If you firmed up you could get rid of your bra and control pants,", really jarred off by this comment she grabbed his member and said" If you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman,the pool man, the gardener, and your brother"

A new Christmas card , just uploaded no.242885_688

How to build a car

This is just the card for all the men in your life who collect junk in the shed or garage .HOW TO BUILD A CAR FROM THE JUNK IN YOUR SHED.c.u.p.no.241610_688

Anniversary

Joke.... My wife was hinting on what she would like for our upcoming anniversary. She said, she'd like I something shiny that went from 0 to 150 in three seconds. So I bought her a set of bathroom scales.

I have just uploaded this anniversary card no.240880_688 craftsuprint.

Ants

Why is it every time I go out to do gardening I get bitten, it's ants, I'm sure they wait for me. I can hear them saying "ok boys lunch has arrived. I must look like some big fat sausage on legs or something. I put citronella on today round my ankles, so they have bitten my hand. Nasty little things.
JOKE  .....The toilets at the police station have been stolen. The police say they have nothing to go on.

Here's a get well card  no.239555_688

Long week

Its been a lon week this week as I was asked to make order of service cards for my boss, he only wanted 100, but what a nightmare as the card wouldn't print the way I wanted and have wasted so much card, I think its had an impact on the rain forest.  Its all a learning curve and I now know what ot to do next time!!  Anyway, only have a few more weeks at work before I am made redundant, so will have more time to craft, obviously in between job hunting.

So here my latest design for you on Craftsuprint

The Vicar and the drunk

Joke.    A vicar sat down next to a drunk on a park seat, the drunk was reading the newspaper, he was dirty, he had lipstick marks on his face, and smelt of booze. He turned to the vicar and said, "What causes arthritis?. The vicar said, " It's caused by bad living, drinking and getting drunk, and visiting prostitutes, and not having a bath." The drunk continued to look at his paper. The vicar feeling that he had gone too far in his condemnation said" How long have you had arthritis then" The drunk replied, " Oh I haven't got it, but it says here that the pope has it"Here's todays card no.238927_688

Barking Dog

A not so bright husband and his wife are lying in bed one night and the neighbour's dog keeps barking, after a while the husband says" To hell with this " and goes downstairs. Five minutes later he comes back, and his wife says " What did you do then"   The husband replies " I've put the dog in our garden let's see how they like it.

Today's card is suitable for most occasions. It's number is 237748_688 The Joy of Flowers

Roses Book mark kit

This is a pretty card that has a book mark attached. each time you use it you think of. the giver.cup no237107_688
Joke.Bloke to a girl. "Have you got a mirror in your knickers, cos I can see myself in them"
Not the best chat up line is it?